but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you never un-have a 4some
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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