She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
