physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
