Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
