I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
