I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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