I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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