I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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