You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
