Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
