I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
