I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
