yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
