I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
