Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
