That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
