I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
