I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
