you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
