the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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