So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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