You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
