Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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