Yo dont text me then not text me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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