she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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