That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
