her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize