the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
