I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
