The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
