I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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