I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
