If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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