I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
