I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
