i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
