apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize