It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
