You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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