I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
