Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize