did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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