i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You are the jesus of drinking
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
