i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
