Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
