M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
