Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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