my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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