I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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