I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
