I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
