LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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