I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
