I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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