if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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