it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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