I hate your face
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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