We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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