i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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