Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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