I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
