dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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