It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
