D3 body, D1 cock
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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