Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
