apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize