Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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