Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
where are my eyebrows?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
