Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
