The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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