Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

If that was your dad, he is hot

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(315): View more from New York

That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

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(619): View more from California

i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out

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(810): View more from Michigan

Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess

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(740): View more from Ohio

we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke

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(803): View more from South Carolina

The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"

(978): View more from Massachusetts

or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"

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(503): View more from Oregon

My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.

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