can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize