I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
